Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
