gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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