I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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