i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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