I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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