I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
