I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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