like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
