Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
