Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
