Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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