real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
