Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
