Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
