Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
