It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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