i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i need an iv and a liver transplant
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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