marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
