I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
