There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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