just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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