can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
