woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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