She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
