I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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