She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
