Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize