have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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