my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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