There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
