he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
