i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My vagina is very pro this idea
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
