Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
