that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
