I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
