Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
