Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
