The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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