u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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