The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
