just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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