I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
And then he peed in my hair
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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