I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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