I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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