put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
