Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize