I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize