we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize