...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
