What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
