How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
