And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize