1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i think i just lost a toe
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize