What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
