hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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