My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
