You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
