she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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