As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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