i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
