she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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