Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
