doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize