Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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