Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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